~~~READ~~~

how can i get any closer to her if all i do is push her away? why i do this maybe cuz i don't wanna see myself get hurt or anyone else, I'm done with feeling sorry for my existence because if i wasn't here i wouldn't have meet some of the people Ive met now. I cant stand still and let time go by because its a chance i will lose her and maybe all of you. Dealing with my Anxiety is a pain in the ass always feeling judged or never feeling good enough, I'm dealing with it step by step so i don't get overwhelmed but the memories still remain. I've felt better than ever, But theres still much work to be done. It seems like all the big stuff I can only fix myself but the smaller stuff anyone could help me with. I'm finding one thing to love about myself everyday and its a never ending process NO EXCUSES so things can only get better right?

This is Not A Plead (Just How I Feel)

sometimes I feel like a prisoner held captive in my body with no where to go, noone to talk to & no where to run except outside my mind which seems nearly impossible. Im only human I've done things wrong in my past, but I feel that I could never forgive myself for it or accept myself, i feel noone loves me altho my girl says she does I find it hard to believe its nearly impossible to love me and if you do I don't see why noone accepts me for me all I get is mock & ridiculed So You Hate Me? and dont have answers to why simply because I'm "ME" and breathing. & while you are all pointing your fingers and mocking me as if I was never there or could hear you in the first place Im sitting in my corner crying my eyes out and after I wipe them and leave you ask "Whats Wrong" My Answer "Nothing Im Fine" because nothing could ever be wrong right?(sarcasm). It seems I'm always to blame in any situation well i knew everything was my fault anyway so why bother telling me. I know its my fault you failed your test, and you tripped and fell on your face and someone close to you died :( this would only be true if i had friends to say this about so i guess you can call this a "hypothetical scenario" so while im crying writing this all you can go ahead and ridicule me some more it just make me not care about my life more! is that what you want? i found it weird i was listening to a song and started crying today it was weird but it wouldn't be the first time Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams i also extremely related to Slipknot - Snuff is kinda made me wanna puke up broken hearts :(, i rly don't know what to say by now you probably closed this because noone cares anyway :(

Reaper

Reaper's Comfort

Sleep little child. Won’t worry about your fear,
I promise to take away all of your fears.
Shut your eyes my child, let your mind sway,
Trust me when I say the pain will soon all go away.
Forget them good child, we both know what they would say,
The things that they did to you were never okay.
Listen sweet child, for I know that your heart is torn,
So I will take you away, like you never been born.

Hatred

It flows like
Sweet wine
Through our veins
Pumped by our hearts
Morning and Night
Never a moment passes
That the deeds of
The mystics
Are forgotten.
Their indiscretions
Loom as a red flag
Before
Raging Bulls.

Mighty Warrior

Lucifer chose you
When you least expected
He Called:
"Oh, Mighty Warrior"
The power filled you
Cold Chills of awakening
Fire filled your heart
It shook the walls
You ran through
Your House
Looking for Him, but
Found nothing
Except silence.
Was it He?
Years pass and
Long Have you waited
For Him to return
And speak again
Those words of
Awakening
In your ear.

I feel horrible for the people that have to be in your presence

Action is the only thing that helps, hope is nothing. Broken hearts will never be mended. Crying never helps, screaming does. Death is a second life, good or bad. Everything is possible because everything could be real. Freedom is a lie because you'll never be freed. Gone forever and to never return because there is nowhere to return to. How did we ever survive? That will never be answered like all the other unanswered questions. Ill of lying since the lies are clearly written on my forehead. Jokes are only taken seriously because you stay serious. Killed inside but perfect on the outside. Love is nothingness, to some it's to complicated, for others it never appears Mistaken because different, No one is there to care, no one to understand the pain someone is suffering Open and welcoming but nobody wants to come near Pause and take a breath of fresh air becuase you'll suffocate in all the evil Rugged and chipped sides can be fixed Say anything because no one listens anyway Time flies because we try to much Unbelievable things will appear to be real Vanity kills us, the world, everything We bleed to see if we are alive Your always gonna be the same I don't think people could change they could only make believe. Zoned out in your own world, the perfect place.

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